Let me start off by saying that I’m 27 years old, I was born in 1985. I grew up on 80′s horror. I remember my father taking me to the movies on a weekly basis to see many of the slasher icons of the time (Friday the 13th’s, Nightmare on Elm St’s, Halloween, etc). I’ll admit I only caught the tail end of most of these franchises such as Freddy’s Dead and Jason Goes to Hell but I promptly made it my mission to own all the prior films on VHS.
As a kid I just knew that these movies were awesome, the business side of things were the farthest thing on my young mind. As I grew up I realized that these countless sequels were created more for dollar signs than the love of the movies. Overall 80′s horror icons made my childhood great, they were a great escape from my day to day childhood life (school dances and homework were stressful things).
I recently started dating a girl almost 10 years younger than me, she’s 19. Recently we were watching TV together and we happened upon the Nightmare on Elm St REMAKE. She immediately became excited and proclaimed how much she “loved” this movie. I honestly couldn’t tell if she was joking or being sincere. She actually was indeed serious and I couldn’t believe it. When I asked her why she loves it so much she used words like “scary”, “good” and phrases like “this is my shit”. WOW!! I asked her if she had seen the original Nightmare On Elm St or better yet my favorite NOES The Dream Warriors. She had not! That’s when it occurred to me that many kids born in the 90′s and growing up in the 00′s don’t really know much about many of the 80′s icons that we grew up with. ALL they know is remakes and reboots. It’s such a sad life and I for one blame Michael Bay for the majority of this BS.
In 2001 filmmakers Michael Bay, Brad Fuller, and Andrew Form created the production company Platinum Dunes. The company was to specialize in horror films, particularly remakes. ALL OF WHICH SUCKED!!
THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE (2003)
First up Platinum Dunes tackled Leatherface. In 2003 one of the most infamous horror films of the 1970s was revisited with The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. At the time it actually looked pretty promising, I was genuinely excited and I was also a fan of Jessica Biels “assets” so I hoping that my excitement would be justified. As you could have guessed, I was deeply disappointed. It looked like a music video version of the original. I’ve talked to MANY people who love this movie (all of which were born in the 90′s) but I think I’ll stick with the original.
FRIDAY THE 13TH (2009)
In 2009 Platinum Dunes tackled another one of our horror icons Jason Voorhees. This movie was also not good and pretty weird, Jason took a hostage for some reason and he was running around like he was hopped on a 5 hour energy drink. The only thing about this remake we all enjoyed was Julianna Guill.
NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET (2010)
In 2010 Michael Bay and company broke the ultimate sin when they remade Nightmare on Elm St. The original NOES is one of my favorite films of all time. Robert Englund is the only Freddy Krueger in my and many of our eyes. Despite my gut and everything else telling me otherwise I still had high hopes for this remake.
Not only did this movie not live up to my expectations but it was quite possibly the worst movie I’d ever seen. Many things bothered me about this movie, so much so I could write an entire article on it. One thing in particular was the fact that instead of a child murderer Freddy was now simply a creepy pedophile (this was only implied in the original). Freddy Krueger has always had two sides to him, he was scary and comical, neither of which he is in this movie. None of this is Jackie Earl Haley who actually did an admirable job playing Freddy. But overall this movie SUCKED!!
I could go on and on but I’ll just leave you with a list of other horror movies that had no business being remade.
Thirteen Ghosts (2001), Carrie (2002), The Fog (2005), House of Wax (2005) ,The Amityville Horror (2005), When A Stranger Calls, The Wicker Man (2006), The Omen (2006), Black Christmas (2007), Halloween (2007), I Am Legend (2007), Prom Night (2008), April Fools Day (2008).
With plenty of remakes/reboots in the works the only question left is,
WHAT WILL HOLLYWOOD SCREW UP NEXT!?!?!?!?!
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