Cult Movie Retrospective: Lady Terminator

1989’s Lady Terminator isn’t just influenced by The Terminator, it’s literally a direct remake with more Asian people. This Indonesia rip-off lifts shots, plot points and even lines from the original – pretty much everything except Arnold Schwarzenegger’s penis. The villain is an unstoppable killing machine intent on destroying a female target. She arrives completely naked. She rams a car into a police station in order to get to her target. Someone even says “Come with me if you want to live.”

However, there’s one little difference between James Cameron’s sci-fi opus and this movie. What’s that difference you might ask? Well, that difference is Vagina Eels. No, that’s not the greatest punk band name of all time. We mean literal water snakes located in private lady parts. You see, the “Terminator” in this movie isn’t really a robot; she’s an evil succubus that kills men with her sex. Sort of like Natasha Henstridge in Species, she seduces men with nudity, engages in coitus and then unleashes eels from whence inside her to bite their penises until they die from penis biting. And on top of that she also uses machine guns to kill people. That’s not fair.

Terminator Arrival Scene

Terminator Eye Scene

Indeed, Lady Terminator takes out the science fiction elements found in its “inspiration,” and replaces them with an origin story filled with some whacked out Indonesian folklore. This Terminator is not sent from the future to change history, instead, she is an anthropologist who becomes possessed by the Queen of the South Sea, a legendary Indonesian goddess, for vengeful purposes. From what we learn in the film’s opening, the queen bones a ton of guys in the hopes that she can find a man who can actually satisfy her deep sexual needs. When her suitor doesn’t satisfy the queen, the aforementioned eel that lives in her pink fortress chomps the man’s penis off, just as he’s in mid-climax.

The queen runs into a bit of trouble one day when one of her suitors gets the best of her and ‘snatches’ the eel from her ever open cubby hole. Pissed, and without her vagina eel, the queen curses the man’s great-granddaughter (as opposed to him or his daughter), which brings us back (or forward?) to the present.

Snort six lines of coke and speed up to the 1980s, where Tania (Barbara Anne Constable), an anthropologist is inexplicably investigating the Sea Queen and becomes possessed by the ghost snake, who slithers into her own lady-parts after a round of scuba. This overtaking causes a tsunami to capsize her chartered vessel, acting as a kind of thundering natural linebacker, making way for her nude materialization from the raging waters. Thus begins Tania’s reign of unholy terror and cheapo Terminator cosplay, as scenes from Cameron’s original film are then duplicated wholesale.

While he certainly doesn’t look like Bill Paxton, one of the two punks Tania first comes across is urinating wildly while his fellow crust associate guzzles beer and giggles. With that, LT swiftly has sex and discards these two cretins, borrowing one of their leather jackets, presumably so that we have Schwarzenegger in our thoughts at all times. Yet it isn’t until she obtains an assortment of automatic weapons and enters the Indonesian version of Tech Noir (where her own personal Sarah Connor – the great-great-granddaughter of the man who done her wrong – is performing) that things get really nuts. Lady Terminator then proceeds to play like a half-remembered viewing of Cameron’s film during a weekend psilocybin binge – woozy and feverish, yet vivid enough that it’ll never leave your personal RAM.

Lady Terminator Snake

Terminator Zombie

While all of this is happening, a group of wisecracking cops begin to wonder why they keep running into dead bodies with no penises. The one out-of-place white guy on the Indonesian police force begins to piece everything together and discovers the great granddaughter in peril. The two get to know each other for a few minutes, he tells her about his dead wife and they immediately have sex in the open forest while dew and flower petals fall methodically upon their bodies. The rest of the movie involves the cop (aka Kyle Reese) protecting her from certain destruction from the title character.

Lady Terminator climaxes in a chase that involves missile-launching helicopters, a tank, and a zombie who fires laser-beams from her eyes. It’s all quite ridiculous. There is a constant thread of “uhhh, what?” in just about every scene of this film, from the opening sexual endeavors right to the insane ending. It’s nutter butters. If you’re an Indonesia knock-off aficionado, or just want to watch a super weird movie, then Lady Terminator is most definitely the movie for you. And just for the record, it’s still a better movie than Terminator Genisys.

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