25. Body Of Evidence (1992)
Frankly, it’s tough to pick just one scene here because the majority of them are pretty embarrassing for everyone involved. The hot candle wax aside earlier in the movie comes close, but the high/low-point of this widely-panned sleaze-fest is when possible murderess Rebecca Carlson (Madonna) invites married lawyer Frank Dulaney (Willem Dafoe) to get up close and personal with her on top of a car in a dingy car park.
She smashes a lightbulb above the car and hitches up her skirt, inviting Frank to give her some oral attention, before she lowers herself down, sitting on his face on the car roof as all the lightbulb glass digs into his back, before they have regular ‘ol sex. It’s not as appealing as it sounds.
24. Watchmen (2009)
There are few songs less appropriate for sexy times than Leonard Cohen’s original version of Hallelujah – come on, everyone knows if you’re going to get down to Hallelujah you go with the Jeff Buckley version. Cohen’s vocals are amazing, no doubt, but can be jarringly quirky to some, making this sex scene between Silk Spectre (Malin Akerman) and Nite Owl (Patrick Wilson) on his owl ship just a little bit silly.
It’s no secret that Zack Snyder’s scenes tend to be about as subtle as an anvil, and this mile-high-club initiation between superheroes is about as sexy as one, too. And when the sequence climaxes with a flamethrower ejaculation, it crosses over into cringe territory.
23. Demolition Man (1993)
’90s relic John Spartan (Sylvester Stallone) is awoken from cryo-sleep to help the police in the future catch the most dangerous criminal in existence, but he soon learns that things are quite different now. For instance, when you use the bathroom, instead of toilet paper there are three mysterious seashells (and we’ll probably never know what was up with that).
Another big change is learned when Spartan and fellow police officer Lenina Huxley (Sandra Bullock) retire to her apartment to have sex. Lenina proceeds to put on the Love Boat theme song as she slips into something more comfortable and then places a strange mechanical device on each of their heads. Sitting fully clothed (and a good distance from each other), the two 21st century lovers then engage in what passes for sex in 2032: a series of subliminal multicolored flashes of Bullock’s smiling face intercut with Stallone’s confused grunts. “Can’t we do this the old-fashioned way?” he exclaims after throwing off the headgear. “Disgusting! You mean fluid transfer?” she asks. “I mean boning, the Wild Mamba, the Hunka Chunka!” he responds. You probably didn’t ever need to hear Sylvester Stallone say those phrases.
22. The Room (2003)
Tommy Wiseau’s epic masterpiece of bad filmmaking, The Room, has earned a reputation as one of the best unintentional comedies ever made and the film’s numerous, ineptly staged sex scenes play a large part in its infamy.
It’s difficult to pick just one sex scene, as they’re all equally, hilariously vile. The most memorable ones feature Johnny (Wiseau) and his fiancée Lisa (Juliette Danielle), as they have sex to candlelight, subject the audience to ear-stabbingly cringe-worthy lounge music and R&B, play with roses, awkwardly laugh, and in short deliver some of the most tediously soft-core movie sex ever. Plus, Tommy appears to try and have sex with Lisa’s navel at one point, and the viewer gets an all-too close-up glimpse of the man’s muscled bottom. Horrible, horrible stuff.
21. Splice (2009)
Two young rebellious scientists, Clive Nicoli (Adrien Brody) and Elsa Kast (Sarah Polley), are told by their employers to halt groundbreaking work that has seen them produce new creatures with medical benefits by splicing together multiple organisms’ DNA. They decide to secretly continue their work, but this time splicing in human DNA.
The end result of these experiments is Dren, who the two raise as their own daughter. Dren begins to grow at an alarming rate and soon learns human speech, mannerisms, etc. She also begins to copy her “mother“. After watching the two scientist having sex, Dren seduces Clive and has the freakiest lovemaking session ever since all her parts are not exactly human. This is topped when mummy scientist walks in on the rutting pair. Awkward doesn’t even begin to describe this scene, as Dren is kind of like his daughter and she’s also pretty much an animal, which makes this scene a terrifying combo of bestiality and incest. Um, yeah.